The First Day of Fall

Warning:  If you’re feeling overwhelmed and energetically depleted, this blog entry will probably not help.

Yesterday, a guest speaker in my class said, “Remember – perception is reality…”  She was talking about handling customer issues and trying to keep everyone happy, the organization as well as the high maintenance, complaint-driven members of the population.  Funny.  Even when I intuitively know everything is absolutely fine, and I look around at Reality and it concurs, my energy can still be so far from calm that something else has to be at play.

I read in several places over the last few weeks that the cosmic energies are asking us to deal with the energies and patterns we’ve been dragging around for this life, and beyond, and let them go.  I think I may have a few energetic patterns that need to be taken down to the curb for the trash collection.

I love the change of seasons and weather in general.  New England is just starting to pop out in autumnal color.  This far north the weather has already crashed into freezing temperatures and today it is nice and warm in the shade at 9:00 a.m.  And so it begins…Fall.

I’ve always looked forward to Fall and harvest season.  Growing up on a farm, September meant the days started insanely early and ran late, we looked at the sky and thermometer and the weather report, we ate supper well after dark, and we wore layers and layers of clothes to the field and returned every night covered in dust and probably mud.  Mum made chocolate chip cookie squares and deep dish apple pie for our lunch boxes and sent us off with thermoses of hot chocolate before the sun was even hitting the edge of the headlands.  That all sounds like an episode of The Waltons, I know, but in actuality, it was back breaking work performed under the constant threat that the crop could be lost and left in the ground if machinery failed or the weather turned against us.  And I was a kid for all this – I had no real conception of everything at stake!

I’m pretty sure my father didn’t look forward to harvest.  For Dad, harvest was one big nonstop possibility of everything going terribly wrong.  My father was a very successful farmer, able to stay out of debt, raise a family, send his kids to college, buy us cars and keep us comfortable, and enjoy a nice retirement, but if you asked him about farming he’d say that if it wasn’t one thing, it was another.

…so that is where I get it.  I am not a big doom and gloom kind of gal, but the energy, the thought form is lurking, and I’m determined to get rid of this useless shadow.

overworkedSo what do I mean?  This week has been one big frantic race to the finish.  I tell myself that September is like that.  I have to close down my summer obligations and gear up for the academic responsibilities.  My life and career are made up of projects and deadlines that consist of so many bits and pieces that need to be organized that I usually have lists with sublists, sometimes  sub-sublists.  I can be busy nonstop and still look like I didn’t do anything.  The old joke about management pushing paper from one end of the desk to the other?  That’s what my life feels like most days.  And just when I’m right there on the edge of accomplishment – the office door pops open and in walks someone needing a conversation.

Yes, I’m running my father’s energy.  I’ve known this for a while, and it was startling to suddenly see that pattern.  While few people would ever see the similarities, I know this is exactly the case.  It is time for me to knock it off.  Short of a super power (and honestly, I’d choose to be invisible so that no one could find me) I’m at a bit of a loss.  Vibrationally, I’m striving for calm – even fleeting moments of calm – and I force myself to see what is actually in front of me rather than my interpretation of possible ensuing chaos.  There is no doom, no wolves at the door, no impending disaster.  It just feels like it.

I have no clue what to do to shift this.  No idea at all.  I guess that will be clear at some point, right?  Of course it will.  On that note, I am setting the intention that whatever alignment I need will just fall into place.  I like to believe in magic and to do so means I have to let it happen.  While all that wonderful energetic and cosmic creation is happening, I am going to go create two quizzes for one of my classes, do the research I need before tonight’s assignment, and make a list of things to accomplish tomorrow so that by Sunday I’m not in a fluster.  And I’m going to breathe.