What you can do to create a healthy relationship

family at sunset

Relationships are a cauldron for personal growth, but most people get caught in the emotional fallout and the drama. The key to a healthy relationship is  focusing on you.  What is this upset showing you? This is not about the other person.  This is about you!

What do I mean when I say that a healthy relationship is all about you? How you react to what another person says or does is a message to you. If you feel  hurt, the other person has touched into a vulnerable place in you. There are issues there you have not yet addressed. When you have healed that issue, the  same person could say the same thing again and you would find yourself observing what is being said without feeling a reaction to it.

Sometimes you might find yourself wondering why that person would feel compelled to say or do that, but there is no charge on it.  You might think of it  as an electrical charge of energy.  If you put your finger in a live socket, you will get a jolt. If the electricity to that socket is turned off, there is nothing  there to jolt you.

When you have dealt with whatever experience triggers certain emotions in you, it’s like turning off the electricity to that experience.  You may remember  it, but there’s not voltage running through it. You simply become the observer of the situation.

When you have no reaction to a situation that once was filled with electricity and high voltage, the other person doesn’t get the same feedback. You don’t yell or cry or leave the room.  You just observe.  Sometimes this can make the other person angry, but then their reaction is like that of child having a tantrum. Without the accompanying voltage, the person’s reaction will usually fizzle out.

Of course, you are to take care of yourself!  If the situation still becomes high voltage and the other person is reacting irrationally, you need to get yourself out of that situation.  But, you will find that you are leaving without judgment, blame, or recriminations.  You are leaving because the person is out of control. Your actions are motivated by common sense.

Fostering this kind of healthy relationship can sound easy, but you and I know it takes work. There are some steps involved.

  1. Notice your reactionsmen talking
  2. Use your tools to discover what this comes from (get help with this when needed)
  3. Heal the part of you that reacts.
  4. Pay attention to see if your reactions are different.



Complementary Color Therapy offers some simple, profound ways to partner with color to heal our vulnerable places. The work keeps us focused on what this means to us, not on trying to change the other person. We make the changes without expectations of what may happen in the relationship.  We simply recognize that we are with that person (even with family members) so that we can see clearly what we want to address in ourselves. That’s the road to empowerment. It also leads us to draw in healthy relationships because we no longer need the other person to point out where there is finishing work to be done. When something comes up in a healthy relationship, you are each committed to communicating in a truthful and compassionate way so issues are handled quickly and easily.

couple on picnic

Is there a relationship you would like to heal? When you are ready we can get you started through a ColorCard Reading or a Transformational Session. Contact us so we can help you find a practitioner who is exactly right for you.


Arlene Arnold